In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
I would wait until you see your friend after Christmas and will give her a big hug which will mean a lot without the need for words.. Then, as a Catholic, I would advise you to mention to her that her brother will certainly be in Heaven, looking after all the family and that they will all be reunited in time. Tell her that you fully understand that these are very hard times for her and her family. I don't know how religious your friend or her relatives are, but this is what we have all been taught since we were children, so reinforcing those feelings will help with their mourning. As you said, they are passage rights that we have to go through.
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
There are one or two threads in the archives that deal with this subject - although not in any great depth, but you may be able to glean some valuable information from them. Here is the link to one of them.
[url=http://www.italymag.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=4365&referrerid=4248]Shhhh.. We don't do death! - Italy Magazine Forums[/url]
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[quote=Persephone;106313][SIZE=2]Sadly an Italian friend of mine has just lost her brother in a rather grim death. He was only 41 years old.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I have no idea what to do. My friend does not live close by. Do I send flowers and a card? I have already made a phone call and will be seeing my friend immediately after Christmas.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I am assuming that when we do meet up we will chat and hug and that will be good. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]This has made me realise that I don’t actually have any experience of what happens at any of life’s big occasions in Italy. I don’t mean the religious ceremonies, but how people might behave and what might be expected of them. So far, my experience has been limited to one christening.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Any points of reference would be very much appreciated, particularly with the bereavement. :sad:[/SIZE][/quote]
Hi Persephone,
A very dear friend's sister died at a young age from cancer 2 years ago and we are close with the whole family. We told the friend we wanted to do something such as send a donation in her memory and she suggested two worthwhile causes we could contribute to that her sister had championed. We did so with one as well as sent a sympathy card to the family. Hope this helps.
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Thanks everyone and thanks juliancoll for pointing me to the other thread.
It seems to me that phoning is the best. I have read that in Italy there are more mobile phones than peope, which speaks volumes...
My knee jerk reaction was to send flowers and a card but this seems to be unnecessary, everyone talks about death very easily. The family are content that the young man is at peace.
I was intrigued by the way you entitled the thread. Recently an Italian neighbour of an English friend died, and I talked her through what was expected of her - she is quite close to the family. So, though I had prepared her for the open coffin and the female relatives sitting (knitting and chatting), her report on the laying in and the funeral was rather bewildered. I suggested that she thought of the whole death as merely a rite of passage - because that is what, it seems to me, is important to understand about Catholicism. The instant of death is merely 'una scintilla' in the greater scheme of life.
Now, I have to say that the only close experiences of death and funerals which I have seen in Italy concerned really very elderly, or very sick people. I've only known (not so intimately) a couple of youngsters killed in accidents; their funerals were extremely well attended, but I didn't detect a huge amount of 'grief'.
I don't know if your friend's family is at all religious - (actually, I'm not sure if that matters, because condolences in the social sense tend to follow what is assumed to be the prevailing religious mores) - but in your position I'd be inclined to leave it at the phone call, and when you meet your friend simply ask her how she is doing. If she wants to talk about her brother, be there for her.