683 Italian Wedding

Hi - I went to a wedding in Calabria in October last year so I think it may be a bit similar. Basically the day started about 930am (!) when the bride's guests gathered at her house (or a restaurant) and the groom's guests at his and everyone is offered something to drink - there were also lots of sweets and pastries laid out and bags for you to help yourself to take away. From then we went on to the church for the actual wedding mass. After the Church it was back to the restaurant where we had aperitivi and antipasti. Then the meal - all 7 courses of it followed by the cutting of the cake. After that (about 7pm) everyone actually went home for an hour or two and then came back about 9ish for the dancing which went on until 2-3ish.

As far as dress goes I would just wear something pretty similar to what you would wear here - it seemed to me that anything goes really. There were some people wearing very fancy outfits and others a lot more casual - most men did seem to be in suits or a shirt and tie though. We actually got changed for coming back for the evening into more casual gear - to be comfortable for some serious dancing! If you have a car with you you have to dress that too by sticking a couple of big bows on the front and back! On the wedding present front I think that a lot of people give money rather than a present. But I think if you're coming from abroad it's probably nicer to bring a present, maybe something traditional from the UK like pottery or similar. I'm Scottish so gave them a quaich which they really liked. I would just spend what you spend on a present for a wedding here and you can't go wrong.

If it is a very traditional southern wedding there will be a lot of people there - at the wedding I went to there were about 200 and that was considered fairly small! My partner said at his sisters' weddings there were around 400!

That was a fairly typical southern Italian wedding so chances are yours will be similar although Sicily may have their own traditions. Don't worry too much about the formalities, I found it a very relaxed atmosphere and everyone will be really pleased and interested to meet you. Enjoy :D

Nicola is spot on, they will be happy just to have you there, the only thing that I would add is to wrap the gift elaborately, and Enjoy the whole experience.

We have just had news that our eldest son is getting married next year and would like to tie the knot in a civil ceremony at our house in Marche. Any information on paperwork, legalities would be much appreciated - ie would they have to do the actual ceremony at the commune or could it be done at the house, can we have a blessing if this is so and how do we do it? He and his fiance live in Tuscany but are not residents as he works for a uk company.

Any help and comments gratefully accepted.

Cafici, you will have a fantastic time and never (EVER) want to go to another British wedding - it'll seem to tame in comparison! It was interesting to read Nicola's reply and it sounds like she had a great time. She's also spot on that regions seem to make a differen. My own experience is slightly varied in that I got married in Sardinia last summer to a local and so was really emeshed into the whole local fabric.

My dad started at around 11, when we had a practice of the ceremony (nothing like last minute preparation....). We were slighlty unusal though that, as it was 38 degrees (with me in my wedding suit the words 'turkey' and 'basted' sprang to mind), the ceremony was set for later in the day, at 6pm. So effectively on the day of the wedding the guests were free until early evening. Before I left for the service my mum had to smash a plate at our front door (there was a lot of this). I then had to walk from my house, with all of my guests - about 30 sweaty Brits - to collect my bride-to-be from her house. It was magical. All the brits loved this as it really did look like something from a film and the village where we married was 'quaint' to say the least.

Once I arrived the guests had to watch me knock on the family door, for Pamela (my wife), and present here with a bouqet. Then both sets of families walked back through the streets to the church. Post serivce everybody had to get into their cars and follow us as we snaked first up and then back down thoruhg the villiage tooting the car horn as often as possible (it was like some neopolitan drivers fantasy), our guests had to do the same. Basically it would have been impossible for anyone not to know we were getting married! After that we drove to the farmhouse (usually a normal restaurant) in the country with about 200 guests (oddly a 'small' party) for about 8pm. When we arrived we were all served wine, soft drinks, bitter etc and then seated for dinner.

After which we all ate and drank for the next four hours (spit-roast lamb, pig etc and homemade wine). This would have sounded like a form of toturte to me a few years ago, but I've learned to love taking my time and we all had a fantastic time. Drinking (and more eating) then went on till about 4am, though people did start drfitng off from 12.30 onwards.

I can only speak from my own experience but not only did I have a great time and was made by EVERYONE to feel like i'd love there all my life, but my guests felt exactly the same way, too. You'll have a wonderful, unforgettable time.

My relatives are already harrassing me about a return trip....for a Christening! Thye'll have to wait.... :)

For a while I thought people on this forum were unable to tell a story, and this was the reason so few responded to my call for short stories. But, I am glad to see, we do have good storytellers on this forum. So, let us have more of it!

Timely subject as I just went to my first Italian wedding yesterday! The ceremony took place in Bari and the reception was at a gorgeous masseria near Brindisi (Puglia). Both families are from Puglia, so I imagine it was pretty typical/traditional. There weren't any of the quaint traditions Gesturi or Nicola mentioned (plates, town walks, etc.); not sure if that's because it was a city wedding or due to dif regional traditions. In any case, it was definitely beautiful. I was surprised at the range of attire at the church. There were some attendees in jeans and a blazer while others were in gorgeous gowns. The men were primarily in elegant suits which was brutal given the heat (35+). The ceremony started at 5 and under the puglian sun that is a deadly hour. Many women had fans that sounded like the wings of birds in flight as they were trying to beat away the heat waves. I wished I'd had one... After the ceremony we escaped outside and threw the traditional rice and rose petals at the newlyweds. For cafici46 i def suggest practicing the pronunciation of "auguri"! There were 2 hours between the service and the reception and some people went home to change into something more elegant and less businessy. Perhaps they also went home to change out of their dripping clothes... One thing for women to know about the ceremony: even if it is hot you shouldn't have your back/shoulders exposed in the church, so a shawl is recommended if you're wearing an evening dress. No one brought presents to the reception and I believe most everyone instead had contributed financially to the Lista Nozze either for actual goods chosen by the couple or for the honeymoon trip. But, I think a gift from abroad would always be preferred. There was a beautiful jazz band but, to my great disappointment, no one over 4 danced! The food was amazing and I heard most people saying they hadn't eaten all day in preparation -- might be a good tip as all weddings have a lot of food, but Italian ones take the cake. There was delicious wine and many open bars, but I didn't see anyone the least bit tipsy (definitely different from any other wedding I've been to!). Not sure how much this helps prepare for the Sicilian festivities, but to echo everyone else's comments it will be wonderful. Also, don't worry about faux pas as everything seems to be overlooked when you're a foreigner!

Quite agree with Adrienne, as a foreigner you will be excsued much so don't worry about anything or fear 'doing the wrong thing'. One detail I forgot to mention was the 'giving of the peace', whereby after the ceremony all the congregation came up and kissed us (my enthusiam waned after the 58th kiss from a moustached old lady...). Our English guests weren't quite sure what to do at this point but as Adrienne says learn to say augri (like "best wishes/congratulations") and just roll up your sleeves and join in. My advice is to dress with an open shirt and light trousers. I'm sure it'll be really hot. Also take some haniies to mop your brow or you'll get really uncomfortable.

We also had table-thumping by the guests at various points during the dinner which meant we had to kiss (they did this alot) and then my tie was chopped up and auctioned (which consisted of having to down a glass of wine, whilst they sang, and chuck a couple of Euros into a pot...hell, we made 300 Euros this way!). Infact one of my friends was so drunk on the free wine that he gave them 50 euros expecting change and never saw it again...and it was his last money for the trip (i did give it back to him the next day when he sobered up!). Oh and then there was the penis shaped bread...an old traditon I am told and even the oldsest of spinsters seemed to quite enjoy that one. Now that was odd....

Anyway, above all...have fun!

Thank you to everyone who posted their stories. All were really interesting and just made us long for September. Anyone else who reads this thread, please add your own story as we find them really fascinating. AUGURI.

Great stories! I actually went to an Italian wedding in London as one of my best friends from home is half-Italian (half-English) and her family is also from the South. As mentioned in previous posts, there was lots and lots and lots of food - 7 courses - and unlimited wine. My friend's mum had actually got rid of the hotel caterers and commissioned Italian chefs for the job! The wedding, in particular the reception, was brilliant, and seemed like something you'd see on one of The Godfather movies. There was an Italian band playing Italian songs, and in between courses during the meal, the band would play and all the Italian guests would get up to dance. It was truly a pleasure to have been there and to have seen what their traditions and customs are (despite the fact that we were actually in London!), I'm sure you'll enjoy it too.

Italian weddings have certain common features, but they can also vary a lot depending not only on the traditions of specific regions but also on what the bride and the groom want.
There are weddings with 300 guests, other with 90 or 30 people. Some are very formal, others are less formal, etc. The best thing is to ask a relative who is close enough to the actual couple for advice.
The dress code is fairly formal, but usually not a bow tie thing! A
normal nice suit for a man and a nice elegant dress for a woman would do.
In general, women do not wear hats, but if an English guest does it is more than welcome. The suggestion of covering your shoulders in the church is a good tip.
During the party it is all about the food, there might be background music, fireworks, or a chance to dance, but it depends a lot on what the couple has chosen.

For the presents, Italians often do a Lista di Nozze, a wish list, they go to select presents in a couple of shops and let the guests know about it. Everybody can than go and buy something from the list. Alternatively money or other presents are a pretty good option too. As for how much to spend, we usually calculate how much it will cost them to have us at the party and add a little bit more. Again, do not feel bad about asking a close relative for advice. I think that taking something made in England that they might like would be perfect.

Just go and enjoy it!

[QUOTE=villa sibillini]We have just had news that our eldest son is getting married next year and would like to tie the knot in a civil ceremony at our house in Marche. Any information on paperwork, legalities would be much appreciated - ie would they have to do the actual ceremony at the commune or could it be done at the house, can we have a blessing if this is so and how do we do it? He and his fiance live in Tuscany but are not residents as he works for a uk company.

Any help and comments gratefully accepted.[/QUOTE]

First of all congratulations!

In Italy, civil ceremonies usually take place at the Town Hall or other specific venues selected by the Twon Hall for wedding ceremonies (Historical buildings, castles, etc).
Normally you would not be able to have it at your Villa, but if you start contacting the local authorities now, they might suggest a solution or find a way to make it happen.

For the legalities, the best tip is to go talk to the local authorities, Ufficio Anagrafe after having go through what the British Embassy website explains. You go here, [url]http://www.britishembassy.gov.uk/[/url] then click "Services for Britons in Italy", the go to the "Births, deaths and marriages" session to find out all the details.

It is nothing too complicate really, so just go through it with patience as it might be the first time your comune has to deal with this. Also keep in mind that some of the forms they have should already be multilingual to make things easier within the EU.

Hope this helps, enjoy the rest of the preparation!

I am Italian and will get married in Italy to a Scot on the 27th of august ([url]http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/kevinandpaola/)[/url].
The best way forward is to contact the Italian emabssy or Consulat, they will tell you all about the paper work. Also, if the wedding will be in a church, you have to get in touch with the local priest.... not always easy!
Get in touch with me if you need more details!

With all the excitement of the actual weddings you all so kindly wrote about, we are still not sure what to buy them. Remember, we have to get it there by plane, and we cannot think of anything that they might want. Please help. :confused:

[QUOTE=cafici46]With all the excitement of the actual weddings you all so kindly wrote about, we are still not sure what to buy them. Remember, we have to get it there by plane, and we cannot think of anything that they might want. Please help. :confused:[/QUOTE]

No need to worry too much about the present. In many cases money in a card is the expected gift, though you can buy a present if you so wish. Don't worry about feeling the need to buy something (rather than just give cash), it doesn't seem to be looked down upon and we were certainly greatful that we could start married life with some money.

Otherwise, it really is down to you what you take. My dad always insists on giving people money and then a bottle of something British (usually a nice whisky). So you could go for money and then something small and 'quaint' to represent where you are from.

Hope this helps

Russ

no wedding list?