12226 Be positive

Well, JC, I believe that there is a big problem here, one that I do not fully understand because I believe that it started a long time ago, when I wasn't even here in the Forum. But it is extremely sad to see so many people hurting when this should be a time of rejoicing as some excellent community oriented ideas have gone ahead successfully.
You only have to read many recent posts to realise that there is much anger, discontent, lack of tolerance, to name a few negative points.
As I keep on saying, I am not particularly good, but I do feel for everyone who suffers as a result of this. And the tension that this generates is not pleasant.
On the positive side, is there a solution?
I must confess that I am seriously considering leaving the Forum. Only the fact that I had started some groups and I am technically responsible for those keeps me going.

Gala you could set up similar Groups on Yahoo should you decide it's all too much here - [url=http://groups.yahoo.com/]Yahoo! Groups - Join or create groups, clubs, forums & communities[/url]

It would be more productive to encourage Gala to stay!

Gala, I agree that there is an element of bad will here, but it is greatly overwhelmed by the good and useful, not least from yourself.

Please cheer up and stay.

Neil

Neil], She can do both!!! She's a very capable lady.

No, no Gala, just learn to trust - learn to trust that everything comes out in the end. The problem here has often been that things go on in the background and are not dealt with openly for a number of (sometimes very valid) reasons. This creates frustration, anger and Chinese Whispers. The whispers grow louder and louder and the pressure builds up until everything explodes.

I can understand the reasons why some things can not be dealt with openly - by not being allowed to confront a problem face to face and dealing with it allows it to fester, but it does not help when anyone who has serious concerns about (real or perceived) issues when Admin is on the missing list and even when around, does not reply to either a post or especially a PM. This angers people even more and so the cycle continues. I have gotten used to this over the years and so I accept this is how it is and deal with things in a different way.

There is a solution, but no one will ever be allowed to implement it on this forum. The solution is freedom without fear of being banned or crucified - but that can not happen here as this is a commercial venture and Ronni can sometimes put the fear of God into everyone when he bangs his fist down on the table and says "I've had enough - behave yourselves". He even makes me jump when he does that. :bigergrin:

I'm not blaming Ronni - Lord knows we have had our scraps over the years - but I do understand his hands are probably tied on certain things and all he wants is a serene life. He knows by now that he wont get that with an active forum - simply because it is not "just a forum" it is a "creature" which moves and expands and follows the feeling of the people who make up its membership.

When this community works - it works as one unit - you've seen that for yourself - and that has power - it has the power to get the job done! All we have to do is keep the silly little flies out of the ointment by pulling their wings off. :bigergrin:

So take heed of your own words here Gala -"be positive" and stay around, 'cus you are lovely and we need some of that loveliness along with all the other stuff that goes towards making our little digital community everything it is.

[B]Moved to [url=http://www.italiauncovered.co.uk]Italia Uncovered[/url][/B]

Thank you, Sally for your information and your comments; however, it is not my intention to start either a new group or a Forum. I am attached to this particular one, for better or for worse. It is only that I am feeling a bit depressed by what has been going on, and perhaps I need a break .

But J&C why should one have a fear of being banned, if one follows the forum rules? or trys their best to. Its something we agreed to when we joined, and I see no "freedom" in being rude or unkind to anyone, thats not freedom its tyranny.Perhaps I have misunderstood what you are trying to say, and I know you have strong outspoken views, but many of us have done a fanatastic ( including yourself) job of raising money and awareness for the earthquake fund, and to spoil this with squabbles detracts from the good work.Though I do agree with Gala that it gets me down as well!.
A

[quote=Angie and Robert;117811]But J&C why should one have a fear of being banned, if one follows the forum rules? or trys their best to. Its something we agreed to when we joined, and I see no "freedom" in being rude or unkind to anyone, thats not freedom its tyranny.[/quote]

Wohooha - just as i was reading the word "tryanny" there was an enormous flash of lightning then thunder and now hail. I think Gala is really miffed and has had words upstairs. :smile:

Small technical quibble - being rude and unkind is just that, and not tyranny - which I think would have some more [I]nasty bits[/I] attached to it. :smile:

Chin up everyone - Charles is about to empty another £10.00 from my pockets in the miniquiz.

:eerr:Quote..................Wohooha - just as i was reading the word "tryanny" there was an enormous flash of lightning then thunder and now hail. I think Gala is really miffed and has had words upstairs.

My god Ghianda have you not heard to UNPLUG your computer and all attached to it IMMEDIATELY you hear Thunder when in Italy..............I urge everyone to take note. My husband Peter learnt the hard way...I only hope he has a similar expression on his face at my funeral!!!:eerr:

Thanks Noble - I think we are surge protected etc :eeeek:

Well I just dont know J&C but thank you for your comments, and I really dont know how I would react if presented with the same situation, so the dilemma is yours and only you can decide what you want to do. But surely it cannot be that dreadful,?.Can it not be forgotten over time,.... oh sorry sound like some therapist now will shut up!:winki:
A

[quote=Ghianda;117832]Thanks Noble - I think we are surge protected etc :eeeek:[/quote]

Yes that's what they all say...you are a very nice man, so let me save you from a fate almost worse than death. My OH was somesort of computer genius in another life. they locked him in a room with a pencil and computer and left him to think................HE LEARNT A HARD LESSON and didn't even learn enough the first time. We have EVERYTHING you can buy. We unplug and even switch off the electric power to the studio where the computers live. If you have wireless internet it'll can catch you down that wire too.

Sorry to digress but Ghianda we'll miss you if you can't post here!!!

Gala,

We actually refer to you as 'lovely Gala' here at home :yes:
Please do not leave.

Moxie (and him)

Gala,
please reconsider about leaving this forum. I and no doubt many others enjoy and learn from reading your many interesting posts.
Although I don't post very often myself, I come on this forum to enjoy reading other people's love of Italy and all that this entails. But like you, I get fed up with the way that some of the threads degenerate into arguments and insults.
I wonder if these negative comments and insults would be said to the person "face to face"? I doubt it very much.
People need to understand that you can agree to disagree about things and have a sensible debate without all the negative arguments.
A little common courtesy costs us all nothing.
There have been some great positive posts on here recently, so let's all make the effort to be united in all things Italian.:smile:
Francesca

Gala, your continued presence here is really what [I][U]is[/U][/I] needed - especially now when, as you have so clearly understood, the ever rocky stability of the forums is now near to collapse through the disappointment that many feel on various levels. After the last wonderfully heady days of team fund raising, and all the good will that those days generated, we find ourselves once more at the mercy of a variety of counter forces.

I can't speak for others, but I too feel disillusioned, I tried to do something about it on various 'fronts', but like JC and Aretina have said - no one wants to listen. I have always (until recently) 'tried to be careful', to temper my comments and to be neutral, but the frustration created when you're talking to a brick wall is very difficult to tolerate sometimes.

So I began to 'step out on a limb' - in the hopes that someone 'up there' might listen. I did get a couple of answers recently (almost the first time ever, I might add) that said basically "Oh well Carole - you know how it is!" I could almost sense the 'Gallic Shrug' when reading the replies.

To cut another long post short - what I'm trying to say is - please DON'T GO Gala! There are some of us who really do need an ever steady hand, like yours, on our shoulder sometimes, especially when we're on the verge of screaming with frustration. .

Thank you for the support, not only through this thread but also through PMs. I was not looking for that, really. What I was trying to do is to change the mood of the Forum in a positive way. There is too much unnecessary bickering, bullying and unpleasantness particularly at a time when other great things had been achieved. The tragedy of Abruzzo created a climate of cooperation and goodwill that I had not seen before. Granted that not everybody saw the fundraising efforts needed to help in the same manner; however, this does not mean that they were not doing something on their own, or silently. And it is this positive spirit of doing something good and generous that was so important both for the Forum and the members, because heartfelt, sincere charity, makes us better people.
I have always tried - and I will always continue to try in the future - to help to reconcile members. Not because I am good and noble as some have suggested - which is very flattering - but because I simply hate fights although I enjoy a discussion, even a fiery one. And another thing, you can rest assured that I will never go to the Admin asking for help, support, deletion of posts, banning of members or any other measures. It is not my style, it has never been, it will never be. I think that we can all sort out our problems providing we use the right tools which are the basic rules of the Forum.
Regarding IM in general, we must all remember that this is a commercial venture and that they are ruled by business. I am very grateful for having this large forum where I can learn so much and I can also share my views and experiences; however, they owe us nothing, they are providing us with a service. Ronald managed to quickly get a viable way to organise fundraising and we must be grateful for that. Yes, perhaps we would have liked to see further help, but that's all.
I am sorry to see that Angie and Robert have decided to take a break and I do hope that they will be soon back. After careful consideration, I have decided to continue, at least for a while. You see, I do have a positive nature and I think that something good may come out of all this.
Thank you for your support and please, consider me a friend, not a foe.

[FONT=Century Gothic]As a new member can I just say that I find it sad to read this. My first impression was that this is a very friendly, informative, and fun forum. So keep up the good work [IMG]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/froehlich/a042.gif[/IMG] [/FONT]

Don't worry Monique - it's a cyclical thing and most people don't take part. Resist the temptation to go "behind the scenes" and take up alan h's suggestion of the snooze button if it gets too much. I like that idea a lot!

[quote=annec;118013]Don't worry Monique - it's a cyclical thing and most people don't take part. Resist the temptation to go "behind the scenes" and take up alan h's suggestion of the snooze button if it gets too much. I like that idea a lot![/quote]
Good advice.
Once the current cycle resolves (with banning/PM-limiting the current target), any guesses what the next cycle will be about?

Yes, I agree, I have thought about never returning to this forum again, although I haven't used the forum much, I have always known that it is there, for any support or advice that I have needed. The reason for my feelings are, that I have hardly ever had a complete answer. Only last week I asked a simple question and suddenly appeared a whole lot of counsellors giving advice about nothing that I had originally asked about. Get real, we are all in the same boat, sometimes needing a little friendship, kindness etc. sometimes, missing the things we could get quite easily in our previous lives, start supporting each other realistically. Thinking, instead of this crap joking, that everybody is in the same frame of mind of ones self. This is such a great site and it is gradually going to the dogs or to very lonely people that have nothing to do all day, but " try to keep in touch" with someone out 'there'. We are "all, out there ", So , let's start caring about how we use this forum before the rot completely sets in.

I'm really sorry that you feel you have never received a 'complete' answer from this forum. It could just be that there is NOT a complete answer available (as in This is Italy!) - but I do think a number of members have done their best to assist you with your published queries.

So, although you seem to think that you can dismiss any well meaning advice (perhaps because it didn't meet your criteria, or because you chose to opt out) by referencing forum irrelevancies -well, I don't know - maybe you can stand this stuff up: but it seems very ungracious to me.

Thankyou and goodnight.

What on earth are you on about...... dont bother even replying to this message, cos Im out

Janet? John?? Are you there?

You're out?! Are you using an Iphone?
When you post a question on a forum, the answers will always wander into other subjects so to keep your thread on track you have to stay attentive, not just with the grazie button but also with helpful comments to steer it back.
You may remember that your sheepy question appeared during a phase when most of us were concerned with Abruzzo (earthquake?) so maybe many minds were otherwise occupied.
This forum is very popular. It attracts people from all walks of life, the whole spectrum of comic appreciation (including a lack of).You presumably have not seen the ongoing fund raising drive by us low life bottom feeding crap jokers.
We are looking for a quiz question on the Mini Quiz thread. Would you care to join in?
:yes:

[quote=JANET & JOHN;119104]Yes, I agree, I have thought about never returning to this forum again, although I haven't used the forum much, I have always known that it is there, for any support or advice that I have needed. The reason for my feelings are, that I have hardly ever had a complete answer. Only last week I asked a simple question and suddenly appeared a whole lot of counsellors giving advice about nothing that I had originally asked about. Get real, we are all in the same boat, sometimes needing a little friendship, kindness etc. sometimes, missing the things we could get quite easily in our previous lives, start supporting each other realistically. Thinking, instead of this crap joking, that everybody is in the same frame of mind of ones self. This is such a great site and it is gradually going to the dogs or to very lonely people that have nothing to do all day, but " try to keep in touch" with someone out 'there'. We are "all, out there ", So , let's start caring about how we use this forum before the rot completely sets in.[/quote]

[FONT=Century Gothic]I have found lots of useful and interesting information on the forum. Every question I asked has been answered and additional information provided. [IMG]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/froehlich/a013.gif[/IMG] [/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic]As in ‘’real’’ life you will always find people who run their own agenda’s, best to avoid them [IMG]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/froehlich/a068.gif[/IMG][/FONT]