In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Noah's Legal Troubles
or
Noah in the Modern Day
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark," said the Lord.
And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
"OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain" thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."
And six months passed.
The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.
"Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
"Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet Code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
"Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl.
Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer.
Now we got 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.
"Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed Flood.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
And the IRS (The tax authorities) has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax.
"I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.
"Wrong!" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far worse than a Flood. Something Man invented himself."
"What's that?" asked Noah.
There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke:
"Government."
I like divorce, very quick
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 04/28/2006 - 14:48In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
I LIKE DIVORCE "VERY QUICK"
A Polish man married an American girl after he had been in the United
States a year or so; and, although his English was far from perfect,
they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's
office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him -- "very
quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "Yah, Yah, an acre and half and a nice little
home with 3 bedrooms."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,"
he responded.
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No," he replied, "we have a two-car carport,
and have never really needed one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations are in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set and DVD
player with 5.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the
answer to your questions is yes."
LAWYER: "No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "NO, I'm always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "NO, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof.
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at
the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read -- it says,
"POLISH REMOVER"
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
OOOooooffffffffff
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Who's in Charge?
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The ***hole is usually in charge !!
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
OOOooooffffffffff
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Thought this might help to lighten the mood too.
Be very proud to be British because..
>
>
>
> Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
>
>
>
> Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
> back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
> cigarettes at the front
>
>
>
> Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a
> DIET coke.
>
>
>
> Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the
> counters.
>
>
>
> Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive
> and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
>
>
>
> Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
> have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
>
> want to talk to in the first place.
>
>
>
> Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
> rink.
>
>
>
> NOT TO MENTION...
>
> 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
>
>
>
> 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
>
>
> 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
> screwdrivers.
>
>
>
> 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
> fairy lights were plugged in.
>
>
>
> 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
> decorations were chocolate.
>
>
>
> British Hospitals reported:
>
>
>
> 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
>
>
>
> 101 people since1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of
> the soles of their feet.
>
>
>
> 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
> cigarette in their mouth.
>
>
>
> A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
> opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
>
>
>
> 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control
> Scalextric cars.
>
>
>
> And finally.........
>
> In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the
> Toilet............................
>
>
>
> RULE BRITANNIA!!
>
>
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
A coach tour driver is travelling with a bus load
of pensioners down the motorway
when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,
which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch,
he asks the little old lady,
" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks,
"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,
"We just love the chocolate around them."
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency, duration and credit limit of spending spree.
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by
reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how
you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,
resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and
the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as,
"You make me want to be a better person ..... Can we get naked now?"
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.
A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[ATTACH]261[/ATTACH]Knife as screwdriver!!!
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Ever wonder why...?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
keep them coming....I screamed blue murder (in Italian) at the computer guy who brought my first Win 98 machine and I couldn't for the life of me work out how to kill it!!
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Loved the jokes!
As a blonde, I love blonde jokes so:
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
and:
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"
Now this is what you call people power!
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 04/29/2006 - 15:06In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
:D Now just imagine if he'd had the ingenuity to link up to a charity web site and got a £1 donation from each voter!
[url]http://www.helpwinthisbet.com/[/url]
and amazingly this site is now getting hit about 300 times every 5 seconds! Unbelievable!
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Just for you, Sarah
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Being a red head, this has something for the both of us Sarah :)
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend and stares him down for a moment.
Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
and some good advice ;)
A young man marrying a redhead asked his father for some marital advice. The father said, "Just remind her who wears the pants in your family." The evening arrived, the new husband tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on." She did and said "I don't fit into these." "That's right!" he said, "and don't you forget who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He looked at them and said, "I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right - and you won't until your attitude changes!"
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Well Russ - that site got a hit from me!! Wonderful idea :)
[ATTACH]274[/ATTACH]
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[QUOTE=Russ]:D
[url]http://www.helpwinthisbet.com/[/url]
QUOTE]
I've been sent this link a few times this weekend, there is a discussion about it here...[url]http://forum.downingjcr.co.uk/post.php?id=1&threadid=31103"eid=326042[/url] :confused:
Tendjewberrymud
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 05/01/2006 - 07:47In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
>
> >
> > "Tendjewberrymud"
> > Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension).
> > Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while
> > after reading this. It was nominated "best email of 1997".
> > The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
> > room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in
> > the Far East Economic Review.....
> > Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I
> > thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny!
> > Djewish to odor sunteen??"
> > G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
> > RS: "Ow July den?"
> > G: "What??"
> > RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
> > G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
> > RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
> > G: "Crisp will be fine."
> > RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
> > G: "What?"
> > RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
> > G: "I don't think so"
> > RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
> > G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one
> > toes 'means."
> > RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping
> > we bother?"
> > G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
> > Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
> > RS: "We bother?"
> > G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
> > RS: "Wad?"
> > G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
> > RS: "Copy?"
> > G: "Sorry?"
> > RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
> > G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
> > RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, c rease
baychem,tossy
> > singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
> > G: "Whatever you say"
> > RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
> > G: "You're welcome"
hope you enjoyed it!
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Always good to laugh!
sarah
Canadian radio
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 05/01/2006 - 10:29In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US Naval ship and the Canadians off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95 Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north, to avoid a collision
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: Negative. I say again you will HAVE to divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER US LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN
THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES
WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
Yooooo Canucks ;)
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[QUOTE=GeorgeS]This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US Naval ship and the Canadians off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95 Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.[/QUOTE]
Sorry to disappoint: [url]http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm[/url] :D
Bbq
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 05/01/2006 - 10:44In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
After the long months of cold and winter, we will soon be coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine.....
8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
:D
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[QUOTE=Ric]Sorry to disappoint: [url]http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm[/url] :D[/QUOTE]
Ahhh, but, they WOULD say that, WOULDN'T they;) ;)
(REM. weapons of mass destruction and that Hanger which doesn't exist ;) )
so true
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 05/01/2006 - 10:58In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="3"]yes that's so true..and why I hate bbqs.
This is a 'lighten up thread' and sorely needed! I wonder if my suggestion will be a bit too controversial ?Theres a lot of 'newbies' about and it would be great to know a bit more about them in a 'what sort of people are they way'!!!Or is that too personal?
So...what about listing 5 things you will never ever ever do...serious or funny?
to start this will get the ball rolling!
I will never ever ....
[B]Buy a copy of The Sun
Wear Yellow
Vote Conservative
Read anything written by Jeffery Archer
Say no to a glass of wine...........[/B]
Becky[/SIZE][/FONT]
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
I will never...
... walk to work (9 miles one way!)
... drive a 4x4 in a city
... drink Tequila ever again... never... ever!!!
... give up my cats when moving house
... learn to fly
:)
I doubt it'll ever....
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 05/01/2006 - 12:31In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
......crack the language
.........be able to stop myself giggling when someone (else) falls over
..............understand why women get so tense when I get the BBQ out
...................count
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
5 things I would never do:
Drive too slow on an open road :cool:
Ask my boys about their sex life :eek:
Forget my grandmother
Pass up a "local church, group fundraising, ladies auxiliary" cookbook at a second hand store :D
Make my husband wrong ;)
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
I don't think that counts as a "joke" Iona - jokes are fantasy - you are describing The Truth :) :) - however, I have found Italian male guests at barbies can be seriously expert!!
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
This thread is getting (logistically) out of hand! I had missed your wonderful post!! - sounds reminiscent of what happened to (I think I'm right here) the Hubble satellite when miles got confused with km :) - or cm with inches
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
What have you got against wearing yellow?! I find it a very flattering colour, and I only ever use yellow smilies :) :)
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
I'm sure I'm not the only ancient relic who knows what REM implies :)
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
only 1 for me....
never going to be gay..
and i mean that in both its meaning........and without it meaning to offend
anyone who is......................
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Jig, Gio......
......what you find yourself at the bottom of a hole
.........stop digging ;)
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[QUOTE=Relaxed].....Hubble satellite when miles got confused with km :) - or cm with inches[/QUOTE]
Lax, Hubble was made my males & so I reckon that it was cms that were confused with inches.
.....................ladies, am I right?
:D
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
right tuscanhills :D
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Okay - that was the cm/inch confusion - it must have been the moon/mars walking robot vehicle which was the miles/km confusion......unless you are both partnered with giants :)
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[QUOTE=tuscanhills]Jig, Gio......
......what you find yourself at the bottom of a hole
.........stop digging ;)[/QUOTE]
That is sound advice,alas i stay clear of hard work, so never use a shovel,
therefore unlikely to be found digging holes........ i pay people to do that......
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Relaxed,
What was that tuscanhills just posted?
"......what you find yourself at the bottom of a hole
.........stop digging ;) "
BTW, Mr greatscott is 6'5"....I guess he would be considered a giant to some..
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
IN CASE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU ALREADY KNOW JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING!
* A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
* A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
* A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
* A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
* A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
* A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
* A snail can sleep for three years.
* Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
* Almonds are a member of the peach family.
* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
* Babies are born without kneecaps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
* Butterflies taste with their feet.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
* "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
* February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon
* In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
* If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
* If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
* It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
* Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
* No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
* Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
* "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
* The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
* The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
* The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
* The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
* There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
* There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
* Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
* Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
* Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
* Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
There are supposed to be three words in English that end in 'gry' I have Hungry and Angry but what is the third?
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
Answer Number One:
Here one answer, in a nutshell, quoted from "Gry, Gry, Everywhere, and Not a Clue In Sight", from The Word Detective, the online version of Words, Wit and Wisdom, a newspaper column that answers readers' questions about words and language, and is currently syndicated in newspapers in the U.S., Mexico and Japan. Here is the gist of what its author has to say:
Perhaps the whole puzzler is more a grade school antic than anything else. The way I heard the setup for the question was this:
There are three words in the English language that end with "gry." One is hungry and the other is angry. What is the third word? Everyone uses this word every day, everyone knows what it means, and knows what it stands for. If you have listened very closely I have already told you the third word.
If you read the second sentence you see that the "third" word is "hungry".
The author is writing here about the third word in the second sentence of the riddle, exactly as quoted, NOT some mythical third commonly used English word ending in "-gry". We admit this is a rather stupid riddle, but then we we didn't make it up; we just answer it, over, and over, and over.
The Word Detective may be found on the web at [url]http://www.word-detective.com[/url].
Answer Number Two:
The other answer also involves the way in which the riddle is posed, and will work only when spoken. It goes like this: "There are at least three commonly-used English words ending in 'g' or 'y'. One is 'hungry', the other is "angry'..." and so on. After the victim has been given time to be driven sufficiently nuts, the riddler is supposed to reveal the magic word, 'or', which, of course, sounded like 'r' in the spoken riddle. This one was reported in Marilyn Vos Savant's column, "Ask Marilyn", in the Parade supplement to the March 9, 1997 issue of the Arizona Republic.
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore - where a tree blew over and killed him.
In reply to A newbie all over again! by Annec
[QUOTE=Carol and Dave]There are supposed to be three words in English that end in 'gry' I have Hungry and Angry but what is the third?[/QUOTE]
Did you word this correctly?
[QUOTE][url=http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/thirdword.html]"Think of words ending in -GRY. Angry and hungry are two. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is."
The answer is "Language." The first two sentences are unrelated to the riddle and only there to throw you off. Thus, the core riddle is "There are only three words in "the English language." What is the third word?"
Fact is, there are many more than three words in the English language that end in -gry, though none of them are nearly as common as "angry" and "hungry". [/url][/QUOTE]
This one, I hope :) will be taken in good part by our Italian members....
What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.