3504 Joke of the day

FAMILY HISTORY

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

[QUOTE=greatscott]FAMILY HISTORY

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"[/QUOTE]

ROFL :D :D

ROFL? rolled on floor laughing?

Si, yes. wouldn't let me put a simple answer! One liners, likes one worders even less!

Yup... in my office... ;)

Was careful not to spill my cuppa tea though!

Mistaken Identity

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says to the guy, "What can I get you?" "Make it a whiskey," says the man, who promptly throws it down in one gulp.

"That'll be three dollars," says the bartender.

"The hell with you!" says the man. "You offered to get me something. I thought you were paying."

"Get out," says the bartender. "You're banned. I don't need your cr*p."

Two years later, the same man walks into the same bar with the same bartender.

The bartender looks at him and says, "You're the jerk who tried to con a drink out of me, aren't you?"

"Excuse me, but I have no idea what you're talking about," says the customer. "I've never been to this bar before in my life!"

"Sorry. My mistake," says the bartender. "You must have a double."

"Hey thanks!," says the customer. "Make it whiskey."

What happened then?

The river was in flood, a frog noticed a scorpion just about to drown
The scorpion said "froggy, please help me, give me a ride across the stream and I will be very grateful".
The frog said "No, you will sting me and we'll both die"
The scorpion answered "Don't be silly, I would die too if I did that"
The frog thought about it for a minute, then as the scorpion was getting nearer to drowning, he agreed, asking "Please scorpion, remember I am giving you a lifeline, do not sting me"
The scorpion agreed.
Halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog
as the frog was dying from the sting, he looked at the drowning scorpion and asked "why did you sting me after you promised you wouldn't"
The scorpion said, "simple really, I'm a scorpion, it's what we do..."

But who is the frog and who is the scorpion?

ah, the beauty of interconnetivness (or something like this, I'm not sure at the moment of my english spelling) !.
Reading another (long) thread, i had in my my mind this story of frogs and scorpions... isn't it strange ?
And yes, it's a good question to ask who's the frog and who's the scorpion, but in the end, they both drown, so do they really care ?:rolleyes:

[QUOTE=notaio]ah, the beauty of interconnetivness (or something like this, I'm not sure at the moment of my english spelling) !.
Reading another (long) thread, i had in my my mind this story of frogs and scorpions... isn't it strange ?
And yes, it's a good question to ask who's the frog and who's the scorpion, but in the end, they both drown, so do they really care ?:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]
It must be a "Great minds thing...." if the frog had recognised the scorpion for what it was and let it drown, the frog needn't have died. I suppose whether they would care or not would depend who the barman was.....;) :cool:

Massimo Troisi, Frank Chambers or Jack Nicolson - take your pick. :D

A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

This is a true story!
An Australian friend was commenting on how "safety conscious?!" the Italian highways authorites were. I said whaddaya mean? He told me he was alerted by a roadsign illustrating a large brush that a roadsweeper was at work, so drove carefully......it was a paintbrush........they weren't painting lines that day.......but "This is Italy".......and that's what the sign meant to mean, tomorrow, or yesterday!!

Stay alert - this country needs lerts!!

[QUOTE=GeorgeS]It must be a "Great minds thing...." I suppose whether they would care or not would depend who the barman was.....;) :cool:[/QUOTE]

Indeed, great minds think alike...sort of generally...not always in agreement though...differing...bickering even!...but still being great minds..

its called ITALYFORUMS!!!! ;)

"If I wore your shades would I see your point of view?"

Madam, the only acceptable form of eyeware here is rose-tinted spectacles :cool:

[QUOTE=sdoj]Massimo Troisi, Frank Chambers or Jack Nicolson - take your pick. :D[/QUOTE]
I dont know what you mean.

who's there?

Can we have some more jokes please? I need a good laugh.

Frankie & Poppy

Man goes to the doc. with strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says,'I'll give you some cream to put on it !'

Man goes to shrink wearing only cling film trousers.
'Well ' says shrink,'I can obviously see your nuts !'

Man takes big dog with eye problem to vets.
Vet picks up big dog,looks in eyes and says,'I'm afraid I'm going to have to
put him down.'
'What just because of eye problem ?' says man
'No,' replies vet,'because he weighs a feckin' ton !' (arf..arf..)

Cartoon

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Questions that have Confused humankind!!

a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\"

a.. Who was the first person to say \"See that chicken there....I\'m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it\'s butt.\"

a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don\'t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

a.. What do you call male ballerinas?

a.. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

a.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it\'s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it\'s in your ass?

a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog\'s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can\'t wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?

a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Un Francese e un Americano erano seduti accanto ad un Italiano su un volo intercontinentale. Dopo qualche cocktail, i tre presero a discutere della loro vite coniugali.

"La notte scorsa ho fatto l'amore con mia moglie 4 volte" si vantò il Francese, "stamattina mi ha preparato delle deliziose crepes e mi ha detto che mi adora"

"Ah, la notte scorsa con mia moglie l'ho fatto 6 volte," rispose l'Americano, "stamattina mi ha fatto un'omelette fantastica e mi ha detto che non amerebbe mai un altro uomo"

L'Italiano rimase zitto per un pò, finché il Francese con tono di sufficienza chiese: "E tu quante volte hai fatto l'amore con tua moglie la notte scorsa?"

"Una volta." rispose l'Italiano.

"Solo una?" sbuffò l'Americano con arroganza. "E che ti ha detto stamattina?"

"Continua così." :p