3807 Party Etiquette ? Urgent Help please

Yes presents are in order :-)

The rule of thumb would be anything you would buy them for their birthday should apply. Don't be shy to ask other guests if there is a "plan". Often there is an unofficial "list" based on the child's needs - news of that however spreads only by asking and talking. There might also be a shop owner than knows about the party and can advise on what has already been bought thought that shop and suggest something else.

Have fun

Ronald

Still curious as to what the Santa Cresima is?

Hi Susan - the Santa Cresima is a child's FirstCommunion & is avery important occasion for the child in Italy.

Uuuuuugh I got one to go to next Sunday too!!!!
A huge party afterwards with catering etc etc.
Kid is having a computer from his parents, mobile phone from Granny and wants an electric skooter from someone!!! That someone aint gonna be me!!!!
I thought about a nice bible to keep in line with what it's all about but probably wouldn't go down well so looks like a football shirt is on my shopping :D list this week!!!!

Rina isn't the cresima something they do after the first communion?
I'm not sure either but thought the 2 celebrations were different------there goes another present.

Thanks All,

I've tried 'googling' for the info but can't make head nor tail of it. Is there a difference between 'First Communion', which I know about, and 'Santa Cresima'? Perhaps different levels regarding rites of passage in the Catholic Church?

I really should have paid attention in RE classes.

Yes, I'm sure this is different because the daughter is about 13 now so would already have had her first Communion...but still not sure exactly what it is.

The little lads' First Communion is at 9.30am and the young girls' Santa Cresima is at 6.30pm followed by the party which starts at 9pm...gonna be a long day !!!...but looking forward to it if I can get the prezzies right !!!:eek:

[LEFT]
Cresima, I believe, is the equivalent of our [B]Confirmation[/B]. Takes place when the child is 11 or 12 - cementing of their relationship with the Catholic church.
My eldest daughter had hers last week.
[/LEFT]

Derek is correct. "Cresima" is confirmation. Santa Cresima is the Holy Confirmation.

:) :)

Brilliant ...so it is the other way round to the Protestant way then.???........

..in C of E aren't the children confirmed first at about 8 or 9 years old and then they can take Communion ??? I am sure that was how it was when i was a girl...long time ago now !!!!:rolleyes:

Thanks to everyione for all your help and especially Anastasia for your PM...I will definately use one of the greetings you recommended.

[QUOTE=alex and lyn]We have been invited to the First Communion and Santa Cresima ( I know all about the First Comminion but don't know what the Santa Cresima is ) and then a big party at the house of one of our neighbours .
I would like to know if it is traditional to buy the children a present each on these occassions and the sort of thing which would be appropriate to buy. The First Communion is for their little son and the Santa Cresima is for their daughter.
Would be grateful for all advise .[/QUOTE]

Don't go. RCs err, [I]inter alia[/I], on the Ten Commandments, translating "Thou shalt not commit adultery" into "Thou shalt not commit impure acts" - a very different kettle of fish, as I'm sure you'll agree.

...But so Italian eh ?!!!!! :cool:

[quote=Anastasia]Derek is correct. "Cresima" is confirmation. Santa Cresima is the Saint of Confirmation.

:) :)[/quote]

I think that would be the Holy Confirmation - although the Pope (past and present) do like to declare saints quite easily I doubt there is a Saint of Confirmation :)

oops sorry - it does mean Confirmation. I was actually "done" at 13 but my grandson has just been confirmed and he is only 8 yrs old. They do it so differently now.

[QUOTE=alex and lyn] ...so it is the other way round to the Protestant way then.???........[/QUOTE]

My little girl (Catholic) had her first holy communion the other day. She's eight. Parents-in-law think it's all very odd, being C of E, where communion comes with confirmation - which I'm told doesn't come until you're about 14.

All very confusing. So much for ecumenicalism!

Mike

This is funny. You are right about how the CoE treats the acceptance of a new "faithful": confirmation equals communion. But in Italy, nothing is ever "for certain", and a youngster who has jumped through the confirmation hoop then has to have further guidance from the priest before communion is taken. Seems very fair and reasonable to me - at least if you take the view that committment to a religious belief is a really quite important step in growing up. Otherwise it all degenerates into the C of E being the "Conservative Party at Prayer", and the default assumption that you are a Protestant.

My friend in our local village absolutely knocked me sideways when she told me that one of the other guests at her daughter's first communion had bought her girl a new bicycle and helmet for about €300. As we are also close to the family I was incredibly embarassed as there was no way could I afford that sort of gift. The other ladies in the village reassured me that clothing was the most appropriate gift for both boys and girls, First communion and cresima being equally lavish events.
I ended up buying an outfit from Benneton and a sparkly purse that the little girl like and the mother liked the clothes. I told the sales assistant that it was a girft and she doctored the labels so that the price was blacked out but they could be exchanged, she's a chubby girl and no way could I be sure. I ended up spending €70 which was way too much in my book but there you go. For another child in the village for whom we weren't invited to lunch I bought a nice T-shirt at the local market.
I also note that the local sporting goods shop where most kids buy their clothes has a sign in the window saying they have suitable gifts for communions and cresimas.

Oh Blimey ...the plot thickens !!!!!!

I HATE buying clothes for other people , particularly people i don't know that well..........I think I'm going to settle for something 'arty' ...the young girl writes beautiful poetry so I was thinking of a caligraphy set and the young lad some sort of art centre thingy ( NO ....not a scholarship to the Piccasso School of Cubism !!! ;) ). They will probably hate the presents but if the other neighbours buy them bikes and things I don't suppose they'll notice ours !!!!:rolleyes:

I am determined to enjoy myself and really looking forward to it...i will tell all when it is all over !!!!!!!:cool:

[QUOTE=alex and lyn]Oh Blimey ...the plot thickens !!!!!!

I HATE buying clothes for other people , particularly people i don't know that well..........I think I'm going to settle for something 'arty' ...the young girl writes beautiful poetry so I was thinking of a caligraphy set and the young lad some sort of art centre thingy ( NO ....not a scholarship to the Piccasso School of Cubism !!! ;) ). They will probably hate the presents but if the other neighbours buy them bikes and things I don't suppose they'll notice ours !!!!:rolleyes:

I am determined to enjoy myself and really looking forward to it...i will tell all when it is all over !!!!!!!:cool:[/QUOTE]

If the girl writes poetry how about getting her a nice handmade book for her to keep her poetry in along with the calligraphy set?

A Ferrari or a ten lesson artistic course.. in Soho. There is no escape, denuncia's are being drawn up as we speak! ;)

:) :)

...the handmade book from Sano...thanks very much

....hang on tho' ...have I got to make it ....I have a hole punch and some printing paper and a couple of empty yoghurt cartons......Blue Peter here i come !!!!!!!( are they really changin the name to Green Peter ??????:eek: :rolleyes: )

...Anastasia...behave ...you are supposed to be helping me here !!!:eek:

[QUOTE=alex and lyn]...the handmade book from Sano...thanks very much

....hang on tho' ...have I got to make it ....I have a hole punch and some printing paper and a couple of empty yoghurt cartons......Blue Peter here i come !!!!!!!( are they really changin the name to Green Peter ??????:eek: :rolleyes: )

...Anastasia...behave ...you are supposed to be helping me here !!!:eek:[/QUOTE]

You could make it yourself if you wanted to - the process is simple enough. Alternatively if you have an art/craft store in your region they usually sell lovely ones already bound.

OK Lyn..

I got the perfect gift.. a flower press.. when she gets older she can use it as a thumbscrew! :D

Seriously, how about a wrist watch? I hear Piaget have some with happy pink diamonds! :p

...wouldn't the bike be cheaper... ???

We have some lovely craft shops near here, Sano...you have come up with a great idea there ..I'm sure I find something suitalble there. Thanks matey !!!

[LEFT][quote=Anastasia]Seriously, how about a wrist watch? I hear Piaget have some with happy pink diamonds! :p[/quote]

Not as daft as it might seem. The money spent by parents and relatives on communion and confirmation, here in Ireland anyway, is obscene.
My oldest girl was confirmed last week and I like to think we managed to keep the whole affair geared to what it was all about. However.....

During the mass they have to wear school uniform, but prior to this about 50% of the girls probably spent 2-3 hours in the salon getting their hair, nails and tans done!
After mass, they quickly change into their new designer outfits and head off with family and friends to their pre-arranged party or the restaurant (or both). Getting there, many of them might have used stretch limos.
After the eating and the initial celebrations there's the band or the disco.
The gifts might include a few meaningful items from mum & dad and the grandparents, but most of the time it's money (one of my daughter's friends collected €1500 - not unusual).
Some of the luckier kids might even have been taken away on holiday the day after!

[/LEFT]

OMG Derek - that sounds like out of a certain 90s American teenage series - the title of which escapes me at the moment... :o

Can't believe the lengths people go to these days to have little girls dolled up like 20 yr olds... The only 'luxury' thing I wanted for my Communion (aged 9) was a long white dress but I ended up with a short one (still below the knee of course!) for practical reasons! Yes, to wear it again at some family do... needless to say we gave it away years later without me having worn it again!

We didn't have school uniforms, so you usually just wore your Sunday best. And for neither Communion nor Confirmation did I get big pressies - any monies donated by relatives & neighbours went straight into a Savings Account which my Gran kept her eye on for years... ;)

Can't remember what I did with the money later but it's definitely gone... :D

[quote=Iona]...The only 'luxury' thing I wanted for my Communion (aged 9) ....[/quote]

Suggest you put in an invoice to your parents for the EUR1500 you missed out on & claim intrest :D

[LEFT][quote=Iona]... The only 'luxury' thing I wanted for my Communion (aged 9) was a long white dress...[/quote]

Well, I also have a communion next year (youngest daughter) and she'll be wearing the same white dress that her mother wore on her communion day.
There's less expectation from the 7 & 8 year olds for First Communion (compared to the confirmation 12 year olds). They'll be happy with a little party at home with their friends and cousins and maybe a bouncy castle..... I hope!

[/LEFT]

[QUOTE=Relaxed]This is funny. You are right about how the CoE treats the acceptance of a new "faithful": confirmation equals communion. But in Italy, nothing is ever "for certain", and a youngster who has jumped through the confirmation hoop then has to have further guidance from the priest before communion is taken. Seems very fair and reasonable to me - at least if you take the view that committment to a religious belief is a really quite important step in growing up. Otherwise it all degenerates into the C of E being the "Conservative Party at Prayer", and the default assumption that you are a Protestant.[/QUOTE]

I have read this a couple of times and cannot make head nor tal of where you are trying to get to. I concluded in the end that you mut have been at the communion wine which makes you a Tory 'cos left footers don't get offered grog.:D :D

[QUOTE=tuscanhills]Suggest you put in an invoice to your parents for the EUR1500 you missed out on & claim intrest :D[/QUOTE]

LOL David - now there's a great idea! ;)

[QUOTE=derekL][LEFT]

Well, I also have a communion next year (youngest daughter) and she'll be wearing the same white dress that her mother wore on her communion day.
There's less expectation from the 7 & 8 year olds for First Communion (compared to the confirmation 12 year olds). They'll be happy with a little party at home with their friends and cousins and maybe a bouncy castle..... I hope!

[/LEFT][/QUOTE]

Sounds good fun, Derek! What a lovely idea for your daughters to wear their mother's dress! I guess the dress must be a nice one them... ;)

Wouldn't want any poor (future) daughter of mine to wear my old dress... it was a horrible, short sleeved thing with pleated skirt & a little white fur jacket!! Just goes to show that you shouldn't leave the choice of clothes to your gran!! Have hated pleats ever since... :D

Hope they'll enjoy their bouncy castle...

Surely I can't be the only one who now wants an invite to this Santa Cresima.. and the big party afterwards. When is it?

I'm almost as excited as Lyn! :D :D

Stretch Limos . Holidays....what have I got myself into !!!!! I thought this was just a nice gesture on their behalf to include us ( well it is isn't it !) but I had no idea it had gone 'American' !!!I am hoping that because we are so far south and generally everything here is still very traditional there won't be too much excess...we shall see....what a learning curve !!!!!:)
These neighbours are seriously rich...so watch this space for a post party update !!!! Must admit tho' that the children are impeccably well -behaved and lovley kids , so at the end of the day they deserve a nice prezzie...off to the shops later ...it will probably take me till 9pm on Saturday night when they shut to make my mind up !!!!!!...and then I'll be up all night with angst ( nice bloke !!!:D ) wondering if I've got the right thing.....don't know if my nerves can take this !!!!:eek: ...what about my hair...oh my gawd...my hair !!!! ...and a maincure....and a face lift ;)

I think the calligraphy and paint set for the poet and the artist is a lovely idea. Go with that and the party

Thanks Christine...just needed a bit of encouragement !!!!:)

Agree with Christine, Lyn.

If they're rich, they can afford the usual prezzies themselves, so something unusual and creative might just do the trick!

I'm sure you'll find something nice & discover that all your worries were for naught!! :)

Enjoy the party!

Well...I've bought them...the prezzies...slight change of plan for the little lad......got him a 'spiffing' telescope on a stand...Alex suddenly remembered that our eldest was nuts on astronomy when he was his age...oh well something hopefully a bit different.....stuck to the caligraphy set for the girl...got a really lovely one in an 'arty' shop...and for the little one who is NOT being confirmed or First Communioned we got a sort of game type thing to help teach her English ( parents very keen on the kids to learn English properly and I am supposedly going to give them a few fun lessons during their school holiday !) Game looks good fun....so keeping my fingers crossed !!!:eek:

Well done you!! Sounds like a nice selection! Let us know how it all went... ;)

Certainly will ...and thanks to everyone for your help and suggestions:)

Well.. come on then.. tell us all about it!

How did it go? Did the kids turn their noses up at the pressies? How many Denuncias were declared against you? What did you wear? Did they feed you? Did you enjoy yourself.. and most importantly.. did you get the sugared almonds? :D :D

Sorry gang ....been really busy with the visitors !!!

The party was fabulous...live band , caterers , beautiful setting , fantastic Italians ( not an Englishman in sight...well Alex was but i didn't bother looking at him much !!!!!:D ).

The kids loved their prezzies ( well they said they did...but these are some VERY well bought up kids !!!).

We went to the morning service which was great , very informal with the priest asking the kids questions and them all shouting out the answers...being bought up C of E , it never ceases to amaze me how informal Catholic Masses can be , especially when the children are involved. people strolling in and out the church, babies talking and gurgling, Mums with pushchairs...generally so relaxed. A real family occasion.
The two little girls wore the traditional Communion Gowns which looked lovely but ...you were right...the 6 lads all done up in their latest designer kit...although without exception they all wore either a white jacket or white trousers so some compromise there !!!! Shame , i still remember the beautiful white suits the little lads wore back in 1968/1969 in Firenze.

The party itself was amazing...Cateres put out tables and chairs with beautiful table cloths . The buffet was out of this world and as you said ...so much of it !!!! Once the main Buffet was cleared and you thought you couldn't get another morsel down...out came the dessert buffet...Oh My God !!!!!!! Delicious !!!!!

We were made so welcome and everyone made a real effort to make sure we enjoyed ourselves..which we did with bells on !!!....live duo played a brilliant selection of music , both English hits and Italian and culminated in Local Salentino Songs and dances (Have you heard of the tarantino ??) which started with all the children dancing and then the Mums and dads and nonne and nonni joined in ...absolutely fantastic.One grandad was having the time of his life...and could he dance ...this bit was better than any professional cabaret.

The Italians cetainly know how to party ...the place 'rocked' !!!

An absolutely fabulous time and No...no sugared almonds but a beautifully wrapped ilustrated new testament all done up with ribbon...which now has pride of place on my coffee table.

A Truly Wonderful Time.

Boy am I glad I came to live here :)

[QUOTE=alex and lyn]...wouldn't the bike be cheaper... ???

We have some lovely craft shops near here, Sano...you have come up with a great idea there ..I'm sure I find something suitalble there. Thanks matey !!![/QUOTE]

Our friends daughter just had her cresima on Sunday we bought her a very small gold chain bracelet with a couple of small bangles.This is quite usual to get these things alternatively a nice silver thing would do.

Wow!! wish I had been there it sounds wonderfull, I have just got back from Amafi, atfer reading this post I just want to be back.

No sugared almonds!! What kind of Italian family are they? Shoot them immediately! :D

I'm glad you had a great time.. and hope you had a dance with nonno.. in your barefeet. If you liked the folk music and dance.. here are a couple of links.. get practising! :p

This link is a local group.. with concert dates soon in Sava and Lecce.

[url]http://www.folkabbestia.com/news.htm?0[/url]

This link to to some snippets of very old recordings of Puglian folk music made by Alan Lomax & Diego Carpitella in the 1950's. Scroll down the page to listen.

[url]http://www.cduniverse.com/search/xx/music/pid/5599767/a/Italian+Treasury:+Puglia+-+The+Salento.htm[/url]

The tarantolati ritual is part of Puglian folk culture. The ritual is centered around Saint Paul and women (tarantolati) who have been bitten by a tarantula. The poison from the bite is said to be healed by dancing, sometimes for hours or even days on end. The dances include the tarantella and tarantata and is accompanied by tamburelli and either violin, organetto or guitar.

In fact, it's very similar to Neapolitan folk music - which I have every intention of dancing to next week! :D :D

I was down in Mesagne and visited Lecce last week and heard a live concert in a park with a local band playing pizzica music, as my friends called it, with the associated dance using your toes. As a traditional musician I really enjoyed it, and bought a sampler CD called 'Pizzicarella'. Lovely music, with some wonderful open throated singing. I've only known Northern Italian traditional musics before, and this was a really enjoyable surprise.

Another link to some Puglian music.. including Pizzicarella and 3 or 4 different versions of Tarantella.

Enjoy! :) :)

[url]http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=1122909&style=music&cart=351856601&BAB=D[/url]

Thanks a million for the music links...we have asked our guy in the local CD shop to get us some traditional music and he has ordered some for us ready for our party in July .

I must say that the tradutional stuff is brilliant and really gets everyone going.....and creates a fantastic atmosphere.

I had heard about the tarantella legend( I'll get the word right one of these days !!!!!:rolleyes: ) and as I am not overly fond of the ole aranchnies :eek: , i did have a moment of panic when i heard about it before we came to Puglia ...visions of huge black things everywhere biting all my parts...I would have died !!!!!...anyway checked it out and apparantley although the tarantella spider can be poisonous it is a small brown variety ...so that's alright then as long as it isn't big and black !!!!:D :p
To be honest tho' very few spiders here at all....but I still check my shoes everytime I put them on for scorpions ( they are tiny but a bit nasty apparantley )

Nearly forgot to mention it ......Halfway throught the party what happened ????.....one of their male friends come riding down the drive on a brand new boys bike with a decorated carrier bag hanging from the handlebars !!!!!! I nearly died laughing after what you said earlier...BUT it was a last surprise from Mum and Dad ...phew !!!!!!!!:)

Glad to hear you had a fab time, Alex & Lyn!!! The atmosphere, the warm welcome, the lovely food... it all sounds wonderful! :)

Yup, a bit of a cultural difference there compared to here...