Andrew's activity

How the fight started...: One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started...

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's when the fight started... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...   ------------------------------------------------------------------------   My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.' And that's when the fight started... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary... She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, 'Do you know him?' 'Yes,' she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend...  I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... -------------------------------- -------------------------------------------- I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started.... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER: When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf.  Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'  

 we do the car and the house contents with Direct Line (Italian version) and get a decent discount for combining our 2 policies.

 Should this post have been posted on Thursday morning by any chance?

 Hi Karen; we live near EcoService at Castel di Lama; featured yesterday on Rai 'In the family'. They have a vast array of all types of plants and shrubs, and are also wholesalers. You would need to speak to the owner Peppe Traiani if you wanted to buy in bulk; he is a very nice and approachable guy. To find EcoService from Ripa; come over via Offida and drop down to the Salaria (Porto D'Ascoli to Ascoli road)(bear in mind that the usual Offida to Castel di Lama road is closed but diversions are indicated) and follow the signs to the Ascoli Mare superstrada at Castel di Lama. Just before the superstrada entry is Ecoservice. If you know where Lidl is then you can see this place from their car park. Alternatively from San B follow the superstrada towards Ascoli and exit at Castel di Lama. The garden centre is on your left. We were there yesterday and the variety of stuff is impressive. Alternative is at Porto D'Ascoli heading towards Centobuchi on the Salaria just after you pass under the autostrada bridge. Huge garden centre on the left; retail and wholesale. Give us a ring if you fancy a cuppa.

 that's all very well but you would want all my books of jokes!

 Hey mate; should you foray forth in our direction (Castel di Lama - Lidl; Citta delle Stelle etc) we have boxes of recent books in the garage that we would love to swop. That's if you can even get out of the drive at your end if you have the same snow coverage as us!

I've nothing really to whinge or moan about particularly, as we chose to live here and you have to accept things; warts and all, What has caused me to be perplexed however; 1.We live in a small development where the road is wide enough to park cars on both sides. The council came along recently and marked out the nice white lined boxes in which; theoretically; we are expected to park our cars. Before the white lines we and our neighbours (side and front) were able to park successfully without causing hassle regards space etc. In total there's 11 cars when we're all in. Now we have 7 spaces for 11 cars. How does that work then Mr Mayor? Needless to say the footpaths are in such a disasterous state of repair that although the white lines are beautiful, you risk life and limb trying to walk up the footpath, and we are 'able bodied'. (That's if you could do anyway due to the cars and lorries parked actually on the footpath). Heaven help anyone partially sighted, in a wheelchair, or a Mum with a pushchair or pram. 2.Every Tuesday morning the council road sweepers comes around. Generally I've seen these lovely giant sweeper and hoovers clean the gutters etc. Instead however we have a bloke with a giant blower who squeezes between cars blowing the rubbish into the middle of the road for his colleague to then collect with his Mad Max hoover. 3.On the footpaths near our house they have positioned the rubbish bins so that anyone wishing to place their rubbish in the bin has to stand well into the Salaria road. Sunday mornings particularly you're an easy target for the realms of flourescent cyclists who are intent on blocking the roads for motorists whilst pedalling away completely oblivious to cars that may be trying to overtake. And don't let's mention how these brightly coloured weekend athletes behave at (for them non existent) traffic lights. Bah humbug....

 Thinking outside the box as ever; could it be that this object is in fact 50 metres long by 30 metres wide, and is a partially covered swimming pool?

 I reckon it's R2D2's grandad's slipper...

 Jean says it's a bedpan; once NHS always NHS...