Moving your life to another country is anything but easy, many of us long-term expats are used to a plethora of different feelings about their home country vs. their adopted one. Browsing the key words 'life in Italy' online conjures up pretty images of vintage vespas, strolls along pretty cobblestoned streets for a nightly passeggiata. The fantasy of life in Italy has remained strong throughout centuries as people emigrated here for work, love or just because they sought to live a slower and more meaningful life. Truth be told, once the initial thrill of being in a new place wears off, reality sets in and sometimes it’s not pretty.
Cultural differences can be strong and the itch to constantly ‘compare’ countries can make for an unhappy expat, which is why we wanted to write an article about how to stay positive. Instead of relying only on our own experiences, we decided to ask our trusted community of expats. We posed a question in our forums and got quite an interesting response. We want to personally thank all those who contributed! A must-read for any Italy newbie!
“Don’t Buy A Car!” - Advice from Rick Zullo
Unless you live in a very rural area, you'll be a much happier expat if you don't own a car. I used to say, "don't even drive a car," but I've changed my mind about that. The truth is, owning a car while living in a city like Rome or Florence is quite expensive, AND inconvenient. There's nowhere to park, and many more areas are now being closed to vehicular traffic (and rightly so). Instead, use public transportation to get around town. While not perfect, it works most of the time, and it's much cheaper in Italy than in other European countries. Furthermore, if you really need a car for the day, many cities have introduced car sharing programs which are very easy to use and fairly inexpensive. And when you’re ready to get out of town for a long weekend, just rent a car and hit the highway. The cities are congested with cars, buses, and motorini, but the highway system (marked by green road signs) is generally excellent with much less traffic than you’ll find on the local roads (marked by blue road signs). Seriously, owning a car is a headache and expense that most expats just don’t need. Use a smart combination of other options to make your life as stress-free and relaxing as you dreamed it would be.
“Do Your Research”- Advice from Claire
I would do some research where you can buy a few foods from home as sometimes it’s nice to have a few creature comforts that you miss. To me this is part of living in Italy, yes the food here is amazing but a bit of back home food is always nice on a rainy day. A lot of Expats have already blogged about places to buy International foods like specialist shops and some of the much bigger supermarkets, Panorama, Lidl, Castroni (just in Rome for starters). Also in a lot of the bigger cities International foods are becoming more popular like bagel places etc which are now popping up. So with a little bit of computer time you should easily be able to find soups, tea and some favorite foods you miss. If not or you're living not too close to a big city you have options like The British corner shop website which cater to Expats all over the world. They have a selection of foods which can be ordered and sent to your door! Some of these aren't really cheap but it’s the price we pay for wanting something you can't normally buy here. I think this is very important because it helps when you have a little bit of homesickness when you can eat something you used to have a lot and all expats experience this from time to time it’s part of the Expat life.
“Embrace The Difference” – Advice from Helen Farrell
How to be a "happy expat"... Accept that things are not the same as in your native country. Embrace the difference. Learn the language and immerse yourself in the culture, but treat yourself to the occasional burger at the Hard Rock or whatever it is that you miss from your other culture! Integrate: for me, my happiness as an "expat" was fulfilled when I joined my local tennis club. Sharing a genuine passion for something overcomes all cultural barriers.
“3 Rules For A Happy Expat in Italy” – Advice from Bruce
Best 3 bits of advice I received 13 years ago when I arrived. 1. Never, ever forget that up is down and down is up... 2. If you don't like the answer you are getting from an Italian official just wait, come back tomorrow, then the next day, continue until you get the answer you want. 3. The lines on the roads and in the parking lots are there for absolutely no reason.
“Just Say Yes” – Advice from Gillian McGuire
Say Yes - To every invitation for at least the first three months. Go to all the expat events you hear about. You might think you would never join a woman's organization or an expat social club, but you never know there might be a kindred spirit feeling just the same as you.
“Just Let Go” Advice from Arttrav
When I got here in 1999, I was a very type A, very precise person. I've found that life in Italy improves a lot when you learn to let go a bit. Oh, I'm still overly precise, micromanaging, like to be on time, like things to get done kinda person. But I've learned to be more flexible. Never assume things are going to get done, never assume the customer is always right - basically, lower your standards - and it'll be a pleasant surprise when it does get done or you do get service. This applies to the working world as well. Try to get your colleagues, staff and clients to comply with your plans, and if there's a fixed end date or goal, make it clear that it has to happen for then. You can always use your status as a foreigner to excuse your ridiculous demands. But then sit back and relax, somehow it'll work itself out. There's no point in getting a stomach ache about it.
“Be A Regular” Advice from Cherzl
The best way that we've found to be happy ExPats is as the song suggests, "Be Italian!" That means, live each day with gusto! Go with the flow. Embrace and immerse! Create fun routines. We have about 3-4 coffee bars that we visit. We go to the cinema often. Being a "regular" definitely has it perks. It seems that every Italian has a face full of sunshine and we seek opportunities to bask. It's all about perspective. Be the experience that you want to have! After 15 years, we still find Italy to be one of the most beautiful, mysterious, and intriguing countries on the planet. After a short visit to my beloved USA, I returned to Italy and was cheerfully greeted and welcomed back. Ah, Italia.
“Say Hello to Strangers” – Advice from Temple
Addressing total strangers in places you probably never would back home: waiting rooms are classic, so a Buongiorno is always a good idea. If you live in an apartment building, say something to your neighbors in passing even if you don't really know them; if you recognize them in other contexts, ditto. Also in small shops, always greet the person at the counter, even if you're not sure you want anything at all--that person is probably the owner, and would like you to acknowledge his/her presence. If you get invited to someone's home for Sunday lunch (a real social coup that!) be sure to bring a little something for your hostess--stopping off at a pasticceria to pick up a tray of cookies or small sweets is a winner. Remember: YOU wanted to live here. No one here begged for your presence, so keep that in mind as you move through your experience. Blending in takes time and patience but in the end is worth it. Everyone I know here refers to me as l'americana--they always will and I don't care--but they don't see me as "other" either: they've accepted me as one of them basically, probably because I have learned all those little things that make me one of them, despite not having been born here. Plus I speak like a native now--that helps!
“Have A Sense of Humor” – Advice from Elise Cevetello
In Rome, life is never boring. Even small chores have a way of turning into unpredictable adventures. Originally, a plan oriented, stress bug by nature, I have adapted. I would not want this city any other way. Love Italy for its faults, not in spite of them. Learn to see the humor in the dysfunctional. Laugh instead of getting stressed when something goes “wrong”, as it inevitably will. When you are trying so hard to accomplish tasks and at every turn there is a new unexpected obstacle, don’t get upset, go enjoy a coffee in the sun, while you look around a characteristic piazza, watch the old men outside playing chess, and smell the bread from il forno.
While we couldn't include every fabulous answer on this list, we highly recommend taking a look at the post in our community section here. Easily this became one of our most popular threads.
Our own advice to you? ITALY Magazine editor Katia Amore says, Learning Italian is a 'must', it will just make life so much easier, it helps you avoiding misunderstandings and, more importantly, it helps make Italian friends. If you are really annoyed by something, chances are many locals are too. So rather than thinking 'that's just how things are in Italy', get involved and help Italians to change 'your' country for the better.
My own two cents would be that the 'grass always seems better on the other side' but it rarely is, focus on the little things that make you happy, lunch at your favorite spot, a weekly coffee with a friend, and take life in your new country day by day. It takes time to adjust to somewhere new.
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