I Belong Tae.....

07/24/2009 - 13:45

Glaswegian guy walks into a baker's and sees a cake behind the counter. He asks the baker:"Is that a doughnut or a meringue?"The baker replies: "No you're right, it's a doughnut"Ee, theold ones are the best

Comment

GROOOOAAAANNNNNN.................................................

Don't get it .Am I thick or .....?

I think (although living in London I'm only guessing here) in a Glasgow accent 'a meringue' sounds like 'am I wrong'.

Get it now.Thank you little furry ra,,,,,,,,creature

Well if you have to explain it, it's just ruined, darling. I can't help it if you southern softies can't speak properly. Still, I suppose it might not work in Bearsden (exp. - Bearsden is a posh bit of Glasgow)

But I never would have "got it",It was quite funny,once one understood about the accent and all! By the way I love your new avatar.Please don't be cross with little Gerbillo sweetie,she is trying to be good and we must encourage her or she will slide back into her naughty ways.If she continues to improve (and you have no objection to rodents) I will make sure that we visit your B+B on ourProzac Sisters tour.Ps By the way if you were trying to imitate a Northern accent at least get the apostrophies rightEEE Th'ould ones are t'bestlook and learn lad ,look and learn

Now then, owd thi wata, if tha's goin on abowt t'road ow we tork, tha muna gera thisen ina tizwaz, since tha's oviusly got no eedeea. Us proper fowk up t'north tork rate, an them from dan sowth avn't goraa cluuu.

No objection to a rodent especially if she can sing like a Supreme. Happy to put you up on your first world tour girls, let me know dates and security arrangements.Now 2 other things: 1) I am not trying to imitate a northern accent (how very dare you) as I am a Lancashire lass born and bred.OK may have confused the issue by telling a Glaswegian accent joke - I'm only an adopted Glaswegian but my northern English accent is bona fide, though generally depends on who I'm with.2) Please note Lancashire Lass.

Doan't get tha trewsers in a twist an'start skrikin .Nobbdy's goan to gainsay thee wi' a mug like tha'

Now look you two - you sound suspiciously Yorkshire to me. Either that or possibly the Midlands - Derbyshire or Nottingham or somewhere. Don't want to start the Warsof the Roses again, (though I think you'll find that WE WONE) and I suppose we shouldn't be regionalist. My fault ofr starting a joke about accents - don't get me started on Edinburgh....

Sorry about the gender confusion.Can't answer for the incredily handsome Andrew(have to keep on his good side, he knows STUFF.) However my genetic history is molto misto, misterioso even.English(lancashire)/Scottish(?scots)/Irish /Canadian..although the latter does not count as a real category!!! I have lived in Dublin for a looooong time.Have you noticed that there seems to be a preponderance of Northerners?Midlanders who are either ex /actual/ married to/partners of health professionals posting recently ?

Mum from Salford; Dad from Matlock Moor; me born in Matlock; emigrated to Northallerton;Jean from Lastingham near Pickering. (and obviously ex-health professional - Friarage Hospital; Northallerton)

Awfully sorry to mistake you for Yorkshire , what a faux pas! good point about the northern health professionals - maybe everyone's planning their escape....

You know why? Because he's Indian...

Fairy Nuff - you probably know this one..What is the definition of a "creche" in Edinburgh?When two cars collide...

In Edinburgh sex is what you put the coal in.Jinty you don't own a pub off Byres road do you?

1. Two blondes walked into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want marijuana, press the hash key..."3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.Police say that he topped himself.11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."' Is it common? '"It's not unusual."13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down.""What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.""How's that?""Don't you start." 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!16. What do you call a fish with no eyes?A fsh.17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one ofthem. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places"The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"23. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Very funnyAndrew (the jokes not you!)These are the only two jokes I know (I'm not joking)American in a plane coming in to land over Dublin"What are all those little back dots down there?"Air Hostess"If they move the'renuns,if they stand still the're council employees"Jewish lady visiting her daughter in Dublin takes ill and has to be admitted to Mount Carmel Hospital.The daughter asks her"Mama ,shall I ask the nurse to take down the the pictures of Jesus in your room?"Mama,no,not at all it's wonderful to see that one of our boys has done so well

No Jinty McGinty's is not mine unfortunately - and the owner has my number plate on her car - the cheek.What's your Glasgow connection ?Our house (italian) is in Poggio in the Garfagnana - take a look up there when you're doing your "research" - we haven't managed any touring about either - always Fa-de-Te when we are "on holiday" Our son has refused to bring a friend next time as he says and I quote "They'd only be slave labour" - nice.

Lived in Glasgow for about 15 years from mid-90s till last year- always loved it and managed to get away with being English since I come from the north, so that's OK apparently. Great place, full of creative energy, close to the hills, and people love words, wit, style and taking the p*** out of pretentious gits. Hmm, quite miss it actually.Haven't been to Garfagnana really - but fully intend to. It's great to have all these adventures to look forward to.I think your son needs to realise his responsibilities to his poor aging mother and get the tools out.

Thank you so much -they fair cheered me up - as we say in Scotland - I have tears streaming down my face and I've heard them all before! Oh and I've been to North Allerton - ex boyfriend's dad lived there - nice town. Fairy Nuff - less of the ageing mother - I was a child bride!